knocked down flat.

it's interesting, today i was thinking about why i write some stuff on my semi-public blog, some things in emails, some things in my personal journal on my computer, and some things in my paper journal by my bed.

why do i choose to write certain things where?

and why do i even feel the need to be constantly writing? i have a frickin art degree in painting, and i don't paint half as much as i write. not sure what the deal is with that. a few years ago i had my hands way more in the paint and pottery than the writing. or maybe that's not true, i just didn't have a handy little laptop yet.

maybe i just have trouble shutting down my brain without feeling the need to cleanse it out and just let it flow...

in any case, i noticed that my private computer journal is all mopey, weepy, sad, or self-attacking stuff, that is obviously no good to post to the world. nobody needs to hear all that horrible crap. mostly breakup type stuff.

then i noticed my paper journals are all sort of dreamy, like whimsical and filled with rich imagery, half-thoughts, half-sentences, trailing off the page, memories, hopes, moment-by-moment experiences from traveling, scribbled down on a bumpy bus ride somewhere in rural india.

the fact is, i love to write.

and tonight my topic has been forgotten due to this tirade. and that was my PERSISTENT STREP THROAT!! plaguing me for a week now, even 6 days into the meds and 2 ER visits later. still struggling to keep that fever down and keep my throat from closing up. when will it end?