Obvious, but difficult, revelations.

I have been in settling, nesting mode since I turned 30 and graduated from my second round of college.

I've been feeling the real need to travel inward, examine myself, settle in, grow roots again, clear my head, simplify my cluttered life, cluttered head.

And a major part of that has been acceptance of myself.

Finally now, perhaps 10 years too late, I'm learning to accept that I'm simply average in every way.

I will never be a famous artist (duh)

I will never be a famous writer (even more duh)

I will never be gorgeous or super thin (always duh)

I will never be known to be funny, or fun to hang out with, or witty.

I will never be really good at any sport.

I will never be a really good musician.

I will never be a good cook.

I will never get a masters or PhD.

I will never be the smartest person at my work (moreover I will feel like the dumbest one for a very long time)


Pretty much, I will always be average. And most people probably figure this out at an early, early age. But I somehow had still clung to the childhood dream that maybe, just maybe, I'd find my calling and be really good at SOMETHING. I'd shine and be recognized SOMEHOW.

But I have come to realize that I lack the drive, the motivation, the discipline AND the talent to really make it.

In fact, whenever I do push myself, I end up getting bored and trying another activity.

So lately I've been forcing myself to face the facts that I am AVERAGE and I AM FINE WITH IT. I EMBRACE MY AVERAGENESS. I CHERISH MY BORING SELF. AND I AM COMFORTABLE WITH MY BORING SELF.

Is this just complacency, laziness, you may ask?

Yes.

But also, it is, I believe, part of growing up and being a happy person. Letting go of the need to be perfect, the need to feel like I can't measure up. Realizing that I can't impress everyone, and shouldn't feel the need to try.

It is the beginning of becoming comfortable in my own skin.

And I think average is pretty damn awesome.

For the record.