bulging at the seams

my sister picked out a bridesmaid dress for us.

and i am the fat pig amidst a panel of mid 20 something beanpoles up on that stage.

really. they are all anorexic-looking, ribs and spines sticking out and no fat on their arms

and what sticks out on me? my belly. my ass.

i hate my body today.

i really really do.

and i hate myself for hating my body because i know that is unhealthy and ridiculous.

but i AM unhealthy and ridiculous. especially today.

and emotional.

i’m losing my baby sister.

she’s off into married-land, a land which i will never know. (nor do i really wish to?)

but it makes me feel lonely, and sad,

and nostalgic for childhood

and playing on the swings

and playing in the basement

and sitting in the backseat of mom and dad’s car singing, singing, singing, always singing until finally parents would ask us to please quiet down

and our accent that is only ours

and i will miss my baby sister,

my dear baby sister.