Strange space

I am at yet another crossroads.

It's beginning to seem like a mired, mish-mash of various paths crossing, and I keep choosing my own adventure, taking the next turn - go here, go there, take this left, take this right, now straight, now curve to the left... just dive in...

It's that post graduation "floaty space" that I recognize from the last time I graduated. I am gloriously free, yet panicked, yet ecstatic, yet anxious.

Initially: relief! exuberation!

Then: deep rest, relaxation.

Following: intense play, exercise, enjoyment. days spent in the mountains ravenously

Now: loneliness, confusion, anxiety over "the future." vague job options have presented themselves, but how will they unfold? what will they hold for my "future?"

See, the concept of "future" is rather finite during school. "Future" may mean next week, or the end of the quarter. Or the next quarter, the next class. Or graduation. But usually, beyond the concept of "graduation," the "future" beyond graduation is no longer segmented neatly... it is... open-ended-infinity.

Brimming with dreams, possibility in some moments.

In other moments, mired and clouded with uncertainty, fogged in unknowns, looming over the present like that low misty cloud front.

So at this point, I start a new job in Interventional on Monday, which I am VERY excited and happy about, BUT it is still technically "per diem," which means no guaranteed hours, no benefits, etc. BUT the way they have presented the job to me, they seem to have full time hours available indefinitely... we shall see.

Right now it is more of a looming dark cloud, but I hope it will turn into an open sky of possibility.

Isn't it weird that today is always the present, and we can never actually live, taste, or touch the future?

It's mystery will always, always elude mankind. As long as the laws of nature remain intact.