Udaipur... i'm far behind in reporting...

Greetings all!
What a week - I am so far behind in my reporting... so I might have to do this in a few parts! Now we are in Udaipur, Southern Rajasthan.

For those of you who were following us on the map: THis last week/10 days we went from Jaipur to Pushkar, then to Jaisalmer (with camel trip out to villages in the desert), then to Johdpur, and now we are in Udaipur. We just arrived at 5 this morning on another night bus, and although I couldn't sleep because of the bumpy roads, I couldn't crash at the hotel because this place is so BEAUTIFUL... I'm already sad we'll be leaving in a couple days!! Who can sleep in when you're in a land that looks like a storybook. This whole week has reminded me of the Aladdin movie - deserts,
huge castle -forts, sandstone buildings, camels, elephants, peacocks, men with huge colorful turbans and HEAT like you wouldn't believe! And it is winter here!! Ha!! It was about 108F yesterday. yikes.

Okay, so to continue from last time -

maybe some of you have read it? A really moving and informative book, written by an American journalist who found herself living in India for a few years in the 1980's and 90's. She didn't set out to write about women, but through her many relationships, ended up writing the book. I highly recommend it.


For us as travellers, it is hard to meet (I mean talk to, interact with) many women here of the lower castes, unless you can find a specific purpose or place in which to encounter them. Most businesses, restaurants, hotels, rickshaws, etc are all run and completely operated by men (on the surface - the women will be cooking sometimes in the back). Traditionally, women here are kept in "purdah," that is, seclusion, to protect them from men's gazes. This tradition goes way back to the 1200's.. all the forts and castles we've been visiting are built with special windows, so that the women could look out of their chambers, but the men couldn't look in.


Of course, it is difficult to generalize, because there are many thousands and thousands of villages, and then the bigger cities and the few percentages of elite modern families, but generally, it is, as I understand, almost a status symbol to hide your women... women in the lower castes (poorer) may have to work in the fields to make enough money for food, but when a family starts making more money, they can afford to keep the women inside, and sometimes they rarely ever leave the house - maybe once a month on average? And then they cover their faces. So the women we
see out and about are generally of the lower castes, because they are forced to be out, or the higher castes (and more modern). It seems they are either begging or vacationing with fancy cameras. It's very mysterious. The middle castes women are tucked away from the outside world, usually cooking and cleaning for the husband, raising the children and caring for the husband's extended family.

We did have the good fortune of meeting a few strong women this week in Jaisalmer, who were Brahmin caste (upper) and very talkative -two strong, vibrant personalities who have captured my love and devotion completely. They live inside the Jaisalmer fort (which, by the way, is like you walked into a delicate sand castle... little tiny winding streets, every building made of yellow sandstone with intricately carved windows, doors, walls... it's like a dream really)... anyway. We wanted to get henna painting on our arms, so we ducked into the tiny little house/shop and were whisked away into the world of Indian women, for almost the entire afternoon.

These two sisters, while painting our arms and giving us herbal massage, were eager to share their stories, their mother's story, the stories of the lower caste village women who live around Jaisalmer. They are most definitely "old maids," being 24 and 27 and not married yet. The older sister, nicknamed "Bobby," explained to us that her mother had had a terrible time finding a man who would agree to marry her, until recently. (95% of marriages in India are still arranged by the parents) "No man wants me," she proudly exclaimed, "I am educated, I have my own business and my own mind. Man don't like this kind of woman in India." She had a special gleam in her eye of passion and spunk. We asked why she didn't remain single. The girls only laughed and scoffed. "YOU HAVE TO GET MARRIED. THERE IS NO OTHER WAY. YOU WILL DIE IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED. " They just shrugged and emphasized that there isn't a woman in Jaisalmer who isn't married. It is simply unthinkable. And yet they didn't sound sad, just very matter-of-fact. And so finally Bobby's mother had found a man in their caste who would marry her, and they had talked on the phone once. "He seems okay," she said indifferently. The front of their house was painted with Ganesh and decorated with gold-threaded ornaments, the sign that a bride-to-be is in residence.

Bobby is an incredible woman, of the Brahmin caste (the highest caste). She started college but had to drop out and study on her own at night school, because "I was the only girl and these boys, they would touch me and grab me and I couldn't do anything about it." She has her women's beauty parlor by day (in the family's home) to pay for her schooling, and studies by night to complete her degree long distance. It isn't acceptable for women to have their own businesses, so it is kept very hush-hush and is
housed in the family's main living room.

When the two girls went on a family camel safari trip ten years ago, they caught their first glimpse of tribal women, who lived the village life and spoke their own languages, deep in the Thar desert of western Rajasthan. "They were like slaves," the two girls said, "They only labor, day and night and can't provide enough food for their children. They have to pay the dowry, you know, and they can't afford it, and are forced to marry a widowed 45 year old when they are only 12. He uses her at night and it is like rape." We could tell that they have told this story many times, and are passionate about these women. Bobby and her sister, after seeing the villages, started a women's cooperative, to help these women make enough money for their dowry, so that they can marry someone closer to their own age. It was very interesting to see these women of high caste, so passionate about helping these women of the lowest castes. Again, it is the universality of being a woman I guess - women companionship and strength transcends many social inconveniences. Bobby taught the women how to do
Groomar (the Hindi name for Bhandini tie dye), which is a crazy intricate form of tie die, involving thousands of ties resulting in amazing intricate designs. It is a very well-known traditional craft of western Rajasthan.

During the hot season, when there are no crops to harvest, Bobby and her sister go with jeeps to pick up the women and bring them together to do the tie-dying at Bobby's home. Some of the girls are saving for their dowry money, and others are married (keeping this activity secret from their husbands) and using the money to help feed their children. They hide the money in their underwear, because the men will often spend it on alcohol (so the girls were telling us). Anyway, Bobby prides herself on being the only women shop owner in Jaisalmer, and it was awesome to talk with her. I'm thinking (dreamily) of going back to Jaisalmer and staying for a month to spend time with the village women and learn the tie-dye and embroidery processes. They were shocked that I would want to come, but I would love it (you know me, I just like making things). The only thing is that they said it gets up to 56 degrees C, so that would be... what, like 132 F ? Maybe I'm doing the math wrong... at least I would get a super cheap price on a nice hotel, because absolutely no tourists visit during that season! Maybe 25 cents a night? I also found a cool place to study block printing near Jaipur (we got to try our hand at a few prints with a master!)

Well, I've preached and babbled on about women and now I'm out of time - next letter I'll tell about our camel trip in the Thar desert, sleeping on the dunes below the milky way, wandering the mind-blowing fort of Jodhpur, circling the mirror-lake of Pushkar... so many stories, so little time!

Love you all -
Mand