Winter winter winter

This winter, working on a little self-improvement. So far? I'm wondering if, during all this improving, I'm becoming a little more crazy? Am I more "improved" but less - HAPPY?

Which brings to mind the question, how does one become happy? Should "happiness" even be a goal? (many buddhists would say absolutely not) How is being happy different from being satisfied or content, or joyful? At peace? Grounded?

I have been striving to:

be more fit
eat more healthfully
do more ceramics
learn more spanish

... which are all ok goals, but I'm realizing that even if I reach these goals, I won't necessarily become HAPPY. or JOYFUL or PEACEFUL

What brings inner contentment, if not self-improvement?

I think only a daily, moment-by-moment mindfulness, awareness, and thankfulness will bring true joyfulness. What do you think? The Christians would say the answer is God, but I've tried that sincerely and didn't feel it.

So I'm trying to discover what this "mindfulness" truly means for me, deep down, in this moment, in each moment. It sounds so cliche and redundant, and EASY! Easy to do, right? Just, "be mindful!" say the wise ones! Like, duh!

But for those of us who don't naturally "get it," - those of us who are naturally filled with anxiety, worry, self-criticism - I think this will take us years and years of practice!!

But, I DO believe it is a possible goal to reach!! Do you?